Why is it that things can look so good at one time and then deceiving the next. Many times I am asked to believe in things but later I am duped and caught in dissappointment. Where does it all end? Maybe I put my hopes and dreams in unreachable heights without managing to work on it.
I feel worthless... I guess all of us do but some at most times. I guess God seriously has to play apart in all these aspects of life. This is to make sure his fellow creations don't fall to the edge..its easy to do that when you're desperate. Desperate for an answer, desperate to find companionship at the wrong places, desperate to be found, desperate to be heard and desperate to be noticed. Time and planning can only heal the wounds that have re-opened itself.
Well, I guess whoever who would read this would be as clueless as a well-polished bench. It's just that I feel I am an actress on stage without a clue what my next line is, without a clue how I might feel and I just keep taking the wrong steps. It's like I never learn! I ain't dealing with LIFE very well. I should take a step backwards and see myself. But all I see is bluriness and numbness. Have you ever felt that way? They say the Truth will set you Free...most times the Truth hurts so much I have become such a pessimist in everything. How am I supposed to become a good teacher at this rate? Sometimes, actually most times I never see myself as a teacher.
Let's hope getting back to Uni improves my state of mind or I might end up a loony-bin trying to understand other people through myself. It's not healthy doing that cause It isn't about other people...it ends up only about yourself(a warning)...so empathy is the word I guess.
My screws are loose,
Scarabees the Dung Beetle!
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